I’m having a car boot sale
I’m certain of a killing
All that money I’m sure to make!
It’s gonna be so thrilling

I’m really very excited
Do you want to know the reason?
I’ve invited all the referees
We’ve had to endure this season

Trust me, this is a shrewd move
Please let me tell you why
Cause all the old tat that I’ve got
I just know they’re gonna buy

I’m sure that you’ll say
That they’ll never be that keen
But trust me, they buy everything
in all the games I’ve seen

If a player happens to lose the ball
all they need to do is howl,
Then take an exaggerated dive
and the ref will give a foul

I am sure that “Gullible”
must be their middle name
They seem to know all the rules
But they just don’t know the game

It makes me tear my hair out
When another dive they’ve bought
I must’ve been doing something else
When it became a no-contact sport

So instead of getting mad
I’m going to use this for my gain
And fleece the gullible losers
To live on caviar and champagne

And to achieve my final revenge
on that naïve and miserable shower
When there’s nothing left to buy
I’m gonna sell them the Eiffel Tower!