Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Oct 17, 2020 8:30 am

I bought a greyhound yesterday.

The wife said “Are you going to race him?”

I said “No, he’s much faster than me!”

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Oct 17, 2020 9:48 pm

Not that I feel much like laughing tonight but :-

If Benny and Björn from ABBA had been called Steve and Dave, they would have been known as ASDA.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Oct 17, 2020 9:49 pm

My friend just asked me, "If you were stuck on a desert island and you could have 3 records, what would they be"?

I said, "The long distance swimming one would be good"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Oct 18, 2020 3:35 pm

I phoned my local weight watchers asking if they could send someone round.

“Off course” they said, “We’ve got lots of them.”

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Oct 18, 2020 3:37 pm

Did you know there was a knight who always refused to fight in battle.

His name was Sir Render.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Oct 18, 2020 3:40 pm

I went to see a Psychic today.

She said "Whats your name?"

I said "I want my money back!"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Oct 18, 2020 3:40 pm

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess!

Fuggletim
Posts: 381
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Oct 18, 2020 3:47 pm

I found out today I was colour blind!

It came out of the green!

Fuggletim
Posts: 381
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Oct 18, 2020 9:13 pm

Just wondering if anyone knows how you can get a pin back into a grenade?

A very quick answer would be good......

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Oct 18, 2020 10:04 pm

Fuggletim wrote:
Sun Oct 18, 2020 3:47 pm
I found out today I was colour blind!

It came out of the green!
Done...one of my favourites though :lol:

Fuggletim
Posts: 381
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Oct 18, 2020 10:39 pm

The Police called last night and threatened to arrest me on suspicion of illegally downloading Wikipedia onto my laptop.

Fortunately I could explain everything.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Oct 19, 2020 9:45 am

Did you know, if you put an index finger up each nostril and say the word 'triangle', it sounds like you're saying 'gullible'

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Oct 19, 2020 9:46 am

I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, "I can't believe how pissed you are."

Denying it I said, "I'm not drunk."

She said, "Yes you are."

I said, "No I'm bloody not."

She said, "Can you tell the time?"

I walked up to the clock & said, "I'm not bloody drunk!"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Oct 19, 2020 9:46 am

It's about time the VAR offside rule is reviewed.

They have to draw the line somewhere...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Oct 19, 2020 9:48 am

What is the difference between a cat and a compound statement?

One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of its clause!


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