Boom Boom

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Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Mon Sep 28, 2020 10:44 pm

I called up the doctor and said, "Doctor, my wife is going into labour and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do?"

"Is this her first child?" he asked.

"No, this is her husband."

80fc
Posts: 183
Joined: Thu May 17, 2007 12:20 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by 80fc » Mon Sep 28, 2020 11:43 pm

I think my wife has signs of Alzheimer's. She says she can't remember what she saw in me

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 7:31 am

Got really emotional at the petrol station yesterday.

Don't know why, I just started filling up...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 7:32 am

My boss once described me as ‘one to watch’ in our office!

Unfortunately he was talking to Security at the time...

WTF
Posts: 406
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Tue Sep 29, 2020 9:17 am

I asked the man at the paint store, "Have you got any thinner?"
He said, "Yes, I've lost 10 pounds, thanks for noticing."
😮

WTF
Posts: 406
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Tue Sep 29, 2020 9:18 am

A man accused of stealing a picture frame from a Salford art gallery claims it fell off the back of a Lowry.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 1:47 pm

I was in a post office in London and asked for an oyster card.

"Is it for the bus?" I was asked.

"No, it's my oysters birthday"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 1:47 pm

I keep coughing every time I hear the words "Bishop, Queen, Knight and Pawn."

My doctor thinks I could have a Chess infection !

WTF
Posts: 406
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:17 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by WTF » Tue Sep 29, 2020 2:20 pm

This is awful. Don’t bother to read on if you have a life!
Bloke feeling his age a bit announces that one morning, he went to the opticians for his new glasses, then onto Boots for his prescription then onto Greggs.

Specs and drugs and sausage roll!

You were warned😜

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 8:37 pm

WTF wrote:
Tue Sep 29, 2020 2:20 pm
This is awful. Don’t bother to read on if you have a life!
Bloke feeling his age a bit announces that one morning, he went to the opticians for his new glasses, then onto Boots for his prescription then onto Greggs.

Specs and drugs and sausage roll!

You were warned😜
It's all good....ish :lol:

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 8:40 pm

I went into the Police station and saw a man with three stripes on his arm and a trifle on his head...

He was the custardy sergeant.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 8:47 pm

I struggled at school and the Teachers didn't help, mind you I probably was too young to drink whiskey !

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 8:48 pm

I've done a survey on how people walk home from the pub.

The results are staggering

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 2658
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Sep 29, 2020 8:50 pm

My fear of Horse Chestnut Trees. After years of therapy...I've finally managed to Conker it..

Fuggletim
Posts: 381
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Sep 29, 2020 11:02 pm

My other half asked if she could just have some peace and quiet whilst she cooked dinner.

I agreed and took the battery out of the smoke alarm...


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