Boom Boom

[Shots1954]

"Dad, I've got to write an essay about Galileo. What do you know about him?"
"He was just a poor boy from a poor family".

[Shots1954]

I was at the bus stop this morning and an elderly lady said to me "It's so cold today",
so I said "Yes, winter draws on",
and she replied "Mind your own business young man"

[Shots1954]

What do you call a man who loves fishing?

ROD

[Shots1954]

What was the most useless thing that you bought last year?

Mine was a 2020 year planner!

[Shots1954]

My neighbour banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe that??
Lucky I was still up playing my music....

He banged and shouted "can we have a little respect please"

So I shouted back "I'm not a big Erasure fan, but ok this ones for you”

[Shots1954]

Despite how difficult lockdown is proving to be I am still going to do dry January.
Tonight I'm having dry gin, tomorrow I'll have dry white wine, and on Sunday I'll have dry Martini......

[Shots1954]

Does anyone else tell their family “fake facts” in the hope that they believe them?

I’ve got my lot believing that a tie was originally invented as men often spilt gravy down their shirt and it was like a mini bib!

[Shots1954]

I started work in my new job today and one of the first things I heard about the place was that it is haunted. I asked one of the lads if this was true, the conversation went like this, "So tell me mate, is it true about the place being haunted?", "Well in all the years I've worked here I've seen nothing to suggest a haunting", "Oh really and how long have you worked here", "About four hundred years"

[Fuggletim]

If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two wrights make?

The first powered flight obviously!

[Shots1954]

Walked in the shop earlier and some bloke threw a pint of milk at me. I know, how dairy.....

[Shots1954]

Two common problems with getting old are as follows.
1. Your memory goes.
2. I can’t remember the other.

[Shots1954]

Just got a phone call from my local police station. They said they want to interview me. I don’t remember applying for a job there, but it sounds promising.

[Shots1954]

It has just been announced that all the tropical birds in London zoo’s avery are to be vaccinated. Apparently there is a pecking order.

[Shots1954]

Once had a job holding down the button on a typewriter so a one-handed author could do her capital letters. It was shift work.

[Shots1954]

I was watching an Australian cooking show, and the audience applauded when the chef made a meringue. I was surprised.

Australians usually boo meringue.