Boom Boom

Post Reply
Johnboy
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:07 pm
Location: Aldershot
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Johnboy » Thu Mar 26, 2020 1:05 pm

Keep them coming guys. Its the only thing making the girls in the office smile!! :)

Ian Rust
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 10:23 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Ian Rust » Thu Mar 26, 2020 1:45 pm

bordon shot wrote:
Mon Mar 23, 2020 10:27 am
OK , I was told recently that telling jokes is not a strong point of mine...So have this -

Leo, Boris, Trump, Pope Francis & Mary a ten year old Irish girl were on a flight with just 4 parachutes . As the plane went down they were short one parachute, they agreed Leo should go first when he said ‘I need to sort out the corona virus in Ireland,I need one ‘ & off he went, Boris was next and said ‘Im the smartest man in England, I simply cannot die, I have to survive’, and out he jumped with a parachute, next was Trump and he said ‘I’m need to keep America great and sort out this corona virus’ and out he jumped.. one parachute left, Pope Francis said , little Mary you take it, I have lived a good life, you are young with your whole life ahead of you... take it. Mary replied.. it’s ok Francis, there’s two parachutes left, the smartest man in England took my school bag!!


I know it’s not an improvement, but let’s keep it going during the gloom. :D
Ohhh, a stinker of an OLD joke to open up this thread.
I can remember the parachute & rucksack gag back in the 1970's, but it probably pre-dates that.
A quick google search find it posted to the web 11 years ago.
http://waxxradio.com/2009/10/01/alexs-j ... the-day-2/

Lazio
Posts: 227
Joined: Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:42 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Lazio » Thu Mar 26, 2020 3:42 pm

I went into a cafe in Liverpool and asked for beans on toast, you've got no choice said the girl behind the counter they've thieved all the plates again.
Last edited by Lazio on Thu Mar 26, 2020 3:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 376
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Thu Mar 26, 2020 3:45 pm

"I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper - dicing with death

bordon shot
Posts: 75
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 9:13 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by bordon shot » Fri Mar 27, 2020 9:28 am

Ian Rust wrote:
Thu Mar 26, 2020 1:45 pm
bordon shot wrote:
Mon Mar 23, 2020 10:27 am
OK , I was told recently that telling jokes is not a strong point of mine...So have this -

Leo, Boris, Trump, Pope Francis & Mary a ten year old Irish girl were on a flight with just 4 parachutes . As the plane went down they were short one parachute, they agreed Leo should go first when he said ‘I need to sort out the corona virus in Ireland,I need one ‘ & off he went, Boris was next and said ‘Im the smartest man in England, I simply cannot die, I have to survive’, and out he jumped with a parachute, next was Trump and he said ‘I’m need to keep America great and sort out this corona virus’ and out he jumped.. one parachute left, Pope Francis said , little Mary you take it, I have lived a good life, you are young with your whole life ahead of you... take it. Mary replied.. it’s ok Francis, there’s two parachutes left, the smartest man in England took my school bag!!


I know it’s not an improvement, but let’s keep it going during the gloom. :D


Ohhh, a stinker of an OLD joke to open up this thread.
I can remember the parachute & rucksack gag back in the 1970's, but it probably pre-dates that.
A quick google search find it posted to the web 11 years ago.
http://waxxradio.com/2009/10/01/alexs-j ... the-day-2/

Not going to argue with that Mr Rust....But they do say the old ones are the best 😉

baldershot
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 10:27 pm
Location: Solihull
Re: Boom Boom

Post by baldershot » Fri Mar 27, 2020 10:02 am

I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few dirnks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer ....... came second

I went to a Pretenders gig - it was a tribute act

Combine Harvesters And you'll have a very big restaurant

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the "brella". But he hesitated

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 376
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri Mar 27, 2020 10:24 am

"I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said: 'It depends where you’re calling from.'"

Aldershot_Rob
Posts: 86
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2007 4:54 pm
Location: England
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Aldershot_Rob » Fri Mar 27, 2020 2:00 pm

When I was at school all my teachers said I'd never amount to anything.
Well, here I am sat on the couch in my pants, saving the world!

Kidderminster Shots
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:44 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Kidderminster Shots » Fri Mar 27, 2020 3:09 pm

Heard the one about the Flasher who was set to retire?

Well he's decided to stick it out for another year...

hepcat
Posts: 38
Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2013 4:50 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by hepcat » Fri Mar 27, 2020 6:25 pm

Here's an old one about the two skinheads and an Irishman in the pub. Skinhead one says "Being a bigot, I hate the Irish, but with all this PC about, we can't just duff him up like the old days, If we wind him up and get him to throw the first punch, we're ok. Justifiable defence." His mate says "Great idea" and half hour later "How do we do that?" "Simple" says Skinhead one. "All you have to do is go over to him and insult St Patrick" So his mate goes over, "Oi! You heard of St Patrick?" And the Irish fellow says "St. Patrick ? The Holy Saint of all Ireland ? Indeed I have." "Well," says the skinhead, "St Patrick was a moronic imbecile" "A moronic imbecile ?" says the Irishman." St Patrick, the Holy Saint of all Ireland a moronic imbecile, well I never, you learn something new each day." "And not only that," says the skinhead "He was also a useless in bed ,illiterate and had an IQ if zero" "Bejesus!" says the Irishman," St Patrick, the Holy Saint of all Ireland , illiterate , an IQ of zero and hopeless in bed. Well I never, You learn something new every day" Flummoxed .the Skin head goes over to his mate and tells him what happened. "Leave this to me! There is one definite way to insult St Patrick " He says and goes over to the Irishman, "Oi" he says, "St Patrick was an Englishman!" " Indeed" says the Irishman " So your friend was just telling me"

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 192
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Fri Mar 27, 2020 7:22 pm

Are my testicles black?

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Sunday night I’m at The London Palladium

steveshot
Posts: 101
Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 9:41 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by steveshot » Fri Mar 27, 2020 7:50 pm

And Monday night in a rigid white coat at Broadmoor 🤪

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 192
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Fri Mar 27, 2020 8:06 pm

News just in. Police have been given full powers to disband groups.

I nominate Coldplay

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 376
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Fri Mar 27, 2020 10:01 pm

I was reading a book - 'The History of Glue' - I couldn't put it down."

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 192
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Sat Mar 28, 2020 8:58 am

Just rang the hospital to see how my Nan is getting on, she has been using one of the new Dyson Ventilators.

They said she is picking up nicely now


Post Reply