Boom Boom

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shots1965
Posts: 319
Joined: Sat Mar 30, 2013 8:16 pm
Location: Oklahoma USA
Re: Boom Boom

Post by shots1965 » Sun May 24, 2020 12:29 am

I said to the doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains..He said Pull yourself together



A guy went to the doctors,doctor I have an unusual problem
What’s that says he,Well,When I’m playing snooker, I Eat two or three reds,Then maybe the pink ball
Do this all evening, maybe a yellow, or brown, couple of reds again
Maybe next frame, I’ll eat a black,A pink,I can’t stop myself
It makes me feel really sick

Stop Said the doctor, I know what the problem is
What’s that then he said??

You’re not eating enough greens

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 12:34 am

lanternhall wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 12:14 am
Anon E Mouse wrote:
Wed May 20, 2020 9:37 am
I was chatting a girl up and she told me she was a sergeant in the police force. Anyway Tina asked me if I wanted to spend the night at hers which I gladly excepted. The next morning she offered me eggs , bacon ,beans and sausages. I said to her...
Don’t fry for me sergeant Tina.
That is probably the worse joke that I have ever heard. Made me smile though.
Thanks. Makes me proud. :D

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 12:37 am

Bono & The Edge popped into their local last night.

Landlord shouts 'Not you two again'

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 4:52 pm

My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says "What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?". My mate thinks "Better humour him" and replies: "We put our foot on Mr Brake and steer into Mr inside lane". Cop says:
"No sir, I said "What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG?"🤣

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 4:53 pm

When I was asked to name a famous Sirian.

I said Botham !

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 5:12 pm

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.

Fuggletim
Posts: 277
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun May 24, 2020 5:21 pm

In emotional scenes on the prairie, a buffalo says goodbye to his eldest child:

Bison...

shotshammo
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:44 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by shotshammo » Sun May 24, 2020 6:43 pm

The worse thing about being a Toilet Attendant is, people are constantly taking the piss.

shotshammo
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:44 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by shotshammo » Sun May 24, 2020 6:51 pm

Come off it Anon E Mouse. You are suppose to judge what the worse jokes are, not compete for it. :lol:

lanternhall
Posts: 856
Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2015 1:37 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by lanternhall » Sun May 24, 2020 6:51 pm

Anon E Mouse wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 5:12 pm
My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.
That is terrible but it made me laugh out loud.
I forget jokes. Only one I remembered was a bit naughty and Birdman wouldn't let me share it.
I didn't think he would as it was a bit dirty so not blaming him.

Dr Jim Royle
Posts: 270
Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:21 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Dr Jim Royle » Sun May 24, 2020 7:34 pm

Bloke walks into a bar, sits on a stool and orders a pint. He then hears a husky voice say "wow, are you some babe magnet".

He looks around but he is alone in the bar and the bartender is way down further pulling his pint. He then hears that husky voice again, "by god, I bet you're well hung"

He scouts the bar again, nothing changed, he's still all alone. This time the husky voice is louder, "you are sooooooooooooo handsome, you must be in films or a famous model"

Just then the bartender returns with his pint.

So the bloke asks the Bartender, "did you hear that voice?"

"Voice?" replies the Bartender. "What did it say to you?"

So the bloke answers honestly, " well it was a husky voice and it was saying very nice things to me."

"Peanuts", says the Bartender.

"Peanuts?", the bloke questions.

"Yup, Peanuts", replies the Bartender, ............................... "They're complimentary".


This thread is going downhill fast :lol:

redandbluescb
Posts: 375
Joined: Sat May 19, 2018 9:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by redandbluescb » Sun May 24, 2020 7:36 pm

WOEking football club.

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 10:00 pm

Dr Jim Royle wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 7:34 pm
Bloke walks into a bar, sits on a stool and orders a pint. He then hears a husky voice say "wow, are you some babe magnet".

He looks around but he is alone in the bar and the bartender is way down further pulling his pint. He then hears that husky voice again, "by god, I bet you're well hung"

He scouts the bar again, nothing changed, he's still all alone. This time the husky voice is louder, "you are sooooooooooooo handsome, you must be in films or a famous model"

Just then the bartender returns with his pint.

So the bloke asks the Bartender, "did you hear that voice?"

"Voice?" replies the Bartender. "What did it say to you?"

So the bloke answers honestly, " well it was a husky voice and it was saying very nice things to me."

"Peanuts", says the Bartender.

"Peanuts?", the bloke questions.

"Yup, Peanuts", replies the Bartender, ............................... "They're complimentary".


This thread is going downhill fast :lol:
And he’s back. Must admit being a bit worried about you Dr J

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 973
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun May 24, 2020 10:01 pm

shotshammo wrote:
Sun May 24, 2020 6:51 pm
Come off it Anon E Mouse. You are suppose to judge what the worse jokes are, not compete for it. :lol:
I have printed some shockers. ...so proud. :lol:

shotshammo
Posts: 183
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:44 am
Re: Boom Boom

Post by shotshammo » Mon May 25, 2020 9:31 am

You've spent too many hours in bars Dr Jim, is it the first time you've joked on peanuts.


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