Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Old Bob]

I was buying my wife some underwear. I asked the shop assistant, "Are these knickers satin?"

"No," she said. "They're brand new!"

The old ones are the best, Richard

I would like to think you are referring to the joke but I suspect your referring to the knickers

While we are on the topic of knickers, Richard, ...

... the other day, Mrs OB came rushing in from the garden and said, "There's a pair of my knickers missing off the washing line!" I said, "I know, the kids next door have them". She said, "The dirty little perverts". I said, "No, it's not like that, they mentioned something about building a hammock".

[Fuggletim]

I went to the Dhamondi Indian tonight in Whitehill. Whilst eating the Waiter came up and said: “Curry OK?”

I said fire up “Wonderful World” and I’ll step up to the microphone when I have finished my Kingfisher…..

[Anon E Mouse]

I bought a greyhound yesterday.

My wife said “Are you going to race him?”

I said “No, he’s much faster than me!”

[Anon E Mouse]

Boris Becker is to Serve 2 and a half years.
Boy his arms are going get tired.

[Anon E Mouse]

Nelson was 5ft tall when he died and his statue in London is 15ft tall. That's Horatio of 3:1

[Richard Petty]

Nelson was 5ft tall when he died and his statue in London is 15ft tall. That's Horatio of 3:1

[Anon E Mouse]

Went swimming the other day and took a pee in the deep end. The lifeguard spotted me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

[Graham Stovold]

There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this guy handled it.
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter...
Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose....(yep, sure are)

[Anon E Mouse]

My wife and I are both tightrope walkers.

We met online...

[Anon E Mouse]

I was sitting on the edge of my bed last night pulling my boxers off.
My wife says 'you spoil those dogs'

[Anon E Mouse]

I’m trying to find some new Star Wars puns but I think I’ve been looking in Alderaan places ...

May 4th be with you

[Fuggletim]

Thought I would go on holiday to an island off the coast of Cornwall. My other half thought it was a Scilly idea.

[Anon E Mouse]

My Twitter password has been hacked again...

This will be the third time I’ve had to rename the dog...

[Richard Petty]

Had a row with my wife and she stormed out shouting, "Jim Morrison was overrated!"

I hate it when she slams The Doors!

[Richard Petty]

I bought a greyhound yesterday.

My wife said, "Are you going to race him?"

I said, "No, he’s much faster than me!"