Boom Boom Mk2 (The laughs continue)

[Richard Petty]

Our neighbour's dog pooed in our garden, so the missus told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence...

I don't see what that solved, we've still got dog poo in our garden and the neighbours now have our shovel!

[Anon E Mouse]

My mate told me that he failed his exam in Aboriginal music.
I said didja redo it ?

[Anon E Mouse]

I've just had a letter from a herb and spice company, saying that I owe them £100...

If I don't pay within a week, they're sending the bay leafs round!

[Chalkie]

My wife has left me for another man.
All that lies ahead is a miserable pointless life.

And while he's going through all that, I'll be in the pub every night with my mates.

[shots1965]

A guy goes to a nightclub
The bouncer says .. You’ve had too many
The guy says too many drinks?

No, Too many birthdays

[Aldershot Gas]

I told my wife I'd heard the postman had slept with every woman on the street, except for one.
She said: 'I bet it's that stuck-up bitch at no. 17'

[South Coast Shot]

I wish my hairdresser friend wouldn’t serve lunch in her salon. We had Sunday roast with all the trimmings.

[Anon E Mouse]

Have you noticed how many Formula One drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?
Stirling Moss.
Lewis Hamilton.
Eddie Irvine.
Ayr Town centre...

[Fuggletim]

I’ve never had great expectations for my children. However we do have a complete set of Dicken’s other books….

[Anon E Mouse]

I’ve never had great expectations for my children. However we do have a complete set of Dicken’s other books….

We can't afford the set of Dickens Books as we have fallen on Hard Times

[HarryTom]

Winston goes to church and the vicar says 'whats wrong my son'....Winston says 'i want you to prey for my hearing " The vicar put's his hands on Winston's ear's and prey's hard for ten minutes ,' So how is your hearing now ask's the vicar' 'I don't know say's Winston, it not until next Wednesday !

[HarryTom]

John is playing golf with the vicar, he misses a 3 foot putt,and say's 'damn. missed the bugger.......The vicar warns him, 'keep talking like thatand God will open up the heavens and strike you dead with lightning '....... John then misses a 2 foot put and repeats 'damn, missed the bugger' Sure enough, God opens the heavens and sends down a lightning bolt, but it strikes the vicar and he falls over dead....' damn, missed the bugger '. God said !

[HarryTom]

I went to a Halloween Party where everyone was like a sore thumb........Not me..no,,i stuck out like a vicar !

[HarryTom]

A vicar was preaching on the Demon Drink, saying Whisky can kill but water can't...To prove it he had a glass of each. He dropped a worm into the water and it wriggled about,He dropped a worm into the Whisky...Stone Dead ! A person at the back jumped up shouting 'i''ll have the Whisky,I've been having trouble with worms all my life !

[HarryTom]

When you have Monkey Pox. it is alway's exciting to hear the doctor say,'Dear God,what the hell is that !!