Boom Boom

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mountpleasant61
Posts: 135
Joined: Sun Oct 28, 2018 9:25 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by mountpleasant61 » Tue Jun 29, 2021 7:21 am

A man walks into a fancy dress shop and asks to look at the costumes.
He tries one on then tells the attendant that it is not big enough for his requirements.
The attendant gets him another but once again he says the costume is not big enough for his requirements.
The attendant then gets him the largest costume they have but once again the man says the suit is not big enough for his requirements.
Then attendant then says " it might be a good idea if you throw your requirements over your shoulder and go as a petrol pump"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 5099
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 29, 2021 1:16 pm

Just got to the pub for the match and saw physicist Brian Cox, actor Brian Blessed and Queen guitarist Brian May, all of whom signed my England top.

Three Brians on a shirt...

Richard Petty
Posts: 1896
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Tue Jun 29, 2021 3:18 pm

My partner just split up with me because she thinks I'm obsessed with football. I'm a bit gutted about it - we'd been going out for three seasons.

Richard Petty
Posts: 1896
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Tue Jun 29, 2021 3:23 pm

Sir Alex Ferguson has been honoured by having a road named after him outside Old Trafford.
Away fans are advised when driving down Alex Ferguson Road, not to forget to add at least 9 minutes to their journey.

Fuggletim
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Tue Jun 29, 2021 4:48 pm

I bought a new toaster designed by Microsoft. The toast keeps on burning though, as I think I have disabled the "Pop Ups..."

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 5099
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Tue Jun 29, 2021 10:25 pm

A man was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.

The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"

Fuggletim
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Wed Jun 30, 2021 9:53 pm

I am beginning to think my cat has communist leanings! All she does is keep repeating the word Mao......

Fuggletim
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sat Jul 03, 2021 12:39 pm

I was watching my neigbour in their garden digging up and re-arranging her herb plantation. Out of curioisity, I asked her why and she said she was planting them alphabetically.

I commented that I didn't know how she found the time and she said "That's easy; it's next to the Sage!"

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 5099
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sat Jul 03, 2021 5:27 pm

Would you believe it, they’ve cancelled my last anger management session without telling me!

I’ve never been so mildly irritated in my life...

Anon E Mouse
Posts: 5099
Joined: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:29 pm
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Anon E Mouse » Sun Jul 04, 2021 9:43 am

One for me old mate .......


Did you know that if you rearrange the letters of "postman”

He gets really angry.

Fuggletim
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Jul 04, 2021 10:43 am

My neigbour is strange! He is dead against the electric fence I have put up between our properties......

Richard Petty
Posts: 1896
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Jul 04, 2021 10:54 am

I saw a poster today, somebody was asking “Have you seen this cat?” So I called the number and said that I hadn’t. - I like to help where I can.

Richard Petty
Posts: 1896
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Jul 04, 2021 11:00 am

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear quite bright – until you hear them talk.

Richard Petty
Posts: 1896
Joined: Wed Jan 10, 2007 11:12 pm
Location: Farnborough
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Richard Petty » Sun Jul 04, 2021 11:07 am

In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the towns mayor the bull’s testicles for dinner.

One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Why are they so small today?”

The waiter replied “Today, sir, the bull won.”

Fuggletim
Posts: 969
Joined: Sat Jan 18, 2014 11:16 pm
Location: Whitehill
Re: Boom Boom

Post by Fuggletim » Sun Jul 04, 2021 12:34 pm

Our local Church got struck by lightning and was badly damaged. The insurance company declined to pay citing "An act of God" and therefore a deliberate action by the owner.......


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